She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
