rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Randomize
