God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Randomize
