i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
