Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
