And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
