Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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