Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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