good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
