babies were throwing up all over the place
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
