My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
