I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
how drunk are you?
Several
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
