shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
