we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
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Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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