he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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