VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
