just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
