I hate all girls vehemently.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
so much tequila, so little girl.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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