i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
