please come you make the beer taste better
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
