it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
