Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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