I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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