he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Can I color on your dick again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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