Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
