What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
