We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to