Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Randomize
