You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??