Texts From Last Night

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  (310): View more from California

  your room smells of hookers.

  (904): View more from Florida

  And success

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  (310): your room smells of hookers. (904): And success http://tfl.nu/jlzy
  Replies (10) Good night (1867) Bad night (499)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.

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  (202): also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker. http://tfl.nu/m532
  Replies (16) Good night (543) Bad night (2151)
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  (858): View more from California

  I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth

  (1-858): View more from California

  Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?

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  (858): I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth (1-858): Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again? http://tfl.nu/8rfw
  Replies (10) Good night (682) Bad night (5163)
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  (949): View more from California

  okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?

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  (949): okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong? http://tfl.nu/d7ju
  Replies (48) Good night (1586) Bad night (4534)
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do

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  (802): I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do http://tfl.nu/o1hg
  Replies (35) Good night (9435) Bad night (1117)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.

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  (360): We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times. http://tfl.nu/t6mj
  Replies (4) Good night (1483) Bad night (2317)
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.

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  (613): Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs. http://tfl.nu/sez7
  Replies (9) Good night (1082) Bad night (3041)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?

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  (214): Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night? http://tfl.nu/uwcg
  Replies (20) Good night (2757) Bad night (1027)
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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.

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  (504): Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me. http://tfl.nu/tasz
  Replies (22) Good night (1378) Bad night (4172)
• Favorite

  (806): View more from Texas

  Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.

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  (806): Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone. http://tfl.nu/3odv
  Replies (5) Good night (1383) Bad night (689)
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity 

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  (225): And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity  http://tfl.nu/rf36
  Replies (1) Good night (1241) Bad night (443)
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".

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  (520): He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home". http://tfl.nu/zprh
  Replies (8) Good night (1766) Bad night (925)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.

  (1-603): View more from New Hampshire

  It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.

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  (603): I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP. (1-603): It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay. http://tfl.nu/8z7g
  Replies (8) Good night (1397) Bad night (393)
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.

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  (774): preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts. http://tfl.nu/6ehv
  Replies (3) Good night (594) Bad night (243)
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?

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  (734): I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening? http://tfl.nu/odfb
  Replies (8) Good night (321) Bad night (703)

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