Texts From Last Night

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  (212): View more from New York

  so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.

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  (212): so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is. http://tfl.nu/r3y5
  Replies (8) Good night (909) Bad night (1527)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.

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  (210): I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy. http://tfl.nu/fwj0
  Replies (53) Good night (6442) Bad night (1077)
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  (316): View more from Kansas

  You love me.

  (785): View more from Kansas

  That's because, tragically, I adore whores.

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  (316): You love me. (785): That's because, tragically, I adore whores. http://tfl.nu/7eph
  Replies (29) Good night (8208) Bad night (1614)
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  (510): View more from California

  stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work

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  (510): stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work http://tfl.nu/9l6e
  Replies (20) Good night (7364) Bad night (1620)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.

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  (843): I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out. http://tfl.nu/mzmx
  Replies (7) Good night (1056) Bad night (4113)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.

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  (910): I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight. http://tfl.nu/7vg9
  Replies (14) Good night (5424) Bad night (961)
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  (415): View more from California

  You kept trying to hail an ambulance

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  (415): You kept trying to hail an ambulance http://tfl.nu/adc4
  Replies (2) Good night (3644) Bad night (993)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n

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  (303): Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n http://tfl.nu/8mzg
  Replies (10) Good night (973) Bad night (4777)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day

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  (414): Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day http://tfl.nu/nn34
  Replies (3) Good night (4962) Bad night (1004)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love

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  (708): we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love http://tfl.nu/30hf
  Replies (17) Good night (6683) Bad night (994)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep

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  (503): There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep http://tfl.nu/pt1q
  Replies (6) Good night (550) Bad night (690)
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  (753): View more from

  if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.

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  (753): if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad. http://tfl.nu/mg7k
  Replies (6) Good night (928) Bad night (398)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.

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  (513): I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point. http://tfl.nu/23a6
  Replies (2) Good night (336) Bad night (705)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.

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  (281): Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky. http://tfl.nu/g7xl
  Replies (1) Good night (763) Bad night (336)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha

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  (440): I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha http://tfl.nu/do0h
  Replies (0) Good night (592) Bad night (250)

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