Texts From Last Night

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  (989): View more from Michigan

  I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.

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  (989): I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight. http://tfl.nu/b4pp
  Replies (32) Good night (7027) Bad night (1441)
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  (347): View more from New York

  drinking out of a sandbucket again

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  (347): drinking out of a sandbucket again http://tfl.nu/dvop
  Replies (13) Good night (3176) Bad night (1526)
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  (636): View more from Missouri

  The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.

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  (636): The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen. http://tfl.nu/0t44
  Replies (8) Good night (3053) Bad night (1114)
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  (434): View more from Virginia

  do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming

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  (434): do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming http://tfl.nu/c7ht
  Replies (6) Good night (3374) Bad night (894)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.

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  (419): Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed. http://tfl.nu/x4xs
  Replies (4) Good night (1740) Bad night (1066)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller

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  (907): We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller http://tfl.nu/mw3b
  Replies (6) Good night (1338) Bad night (2296)
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?

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  (718): Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status? http://tfl.nu/oy76
  Replies (6) Good night (2394) Bad night (1013)
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."

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  (828): after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...." http://tfl.nu/7e08
  Replies (16) Good night (3241) Bad night (923)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  The pigeons can smell the fear

  (1+44): View more from

  Wtf

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  (+44): The pigeons can smell the fear (1+44): Wtf http://tfl.nu/89q6
  Replies (4) Good night (1579) Bad night (691)
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.

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  (972): I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards. http://tfl.nu/fq92
  Replies (8) Good night (1770) Bad night (653)
• Favorite

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.

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  (307): The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin. http://tfl.nu/jijz
  Replies (1) Good night (764) Bad night (389)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.

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  (303): I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process. http://tfl.nu/smqj
  Replies (1) Good night (584) Bad night (364)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.

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  (978): Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story. http://tfl.nu/gzmk
  Replies (2) Good night (562) Bad night (334)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.

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  (816): Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break. http://tfl.nu/ueuh
  Replies (5) Good night (433) Bad night (588)
• Favorite

  (334): View more from Alabama

  alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos

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  (334): alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos http://tfl.nu/jlgd
  Replies (0) Good night (433) Bad night (208)

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