i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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