I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
