Her vagina should come with caution tape.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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