i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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