The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
