i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
