I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
