Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
