Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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