I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
