My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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