i'm signing you up for texting rehab
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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