sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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