he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I need to calm my uterus...
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
