my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
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I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
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It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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