i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
