so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
