My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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