I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Randomize
