so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
