I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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