You just made me feel so damn special
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
