11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
God, I missed his penis.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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