i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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