And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
