I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
