Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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