I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
