u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
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She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
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At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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