in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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