apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
She announced her abortion via fbk
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
