he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
