Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
