What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
