was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
