i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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