I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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