i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
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