I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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