if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
