Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
