I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
