Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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