Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
