worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
