I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
