we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
