i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Randomize
