When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
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