Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
