nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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