the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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